Love is complicated. It can be perfectly sweet, but it can also be horribly painful. People say the right person will come to you one day, and I used to doubt that. I realize that finding the 'one' also means discovering more of yourself, and the journey of understanding took longer than I expected. They say: "No pain, no gain", yes, I took the chance and go with it, even though heartbreaks occur all the time to me. When the Frozen character quiz stated that I am Anna, and that makes sense because I am optimistic, daring, and yearns for adventure and romance... with a hint of chocolate (which I don't really care 'cause I seldom eat now)
I decided to open up my love experiences and crushes. And I have to say: I have 10 crushes. My friends are so surprised that I am so open about it and I have so many crushes, and mine exceed their lists. Since I can let it go and shake it off, I am okay to talk about it.
And since I am a Swiftie, I put up her songs to describe each event. Okay, let the story begin.
My first crush is Brian Ng. He was my best friend back in primary school. We became friends when we were seven, and were friends for a few years. I developed feelings for him at the age of nine, and it kept growing through the next year, and I confessed anyway. Unfortunately, he broke my heart immediately (I think it was when I was 11). I cried pretty much about it, tried to get him back, and turned him into my enemy and betrayer. I gave up in the end and decided to concentrate on my studies for UPSR (an important test before leaving primary school). My mum realized this problem from my teacher and she convinced me to let go because he's not my type, neither for her too. The last thing he ever said to me was a goodbye, but I did not reply. And the last time I saw him was at Graduation Day. Now I just feel neutral about him, and I never seen him again after I went to secondary school. The song "A Perfectly Good Heart" describes my first time falling in love, and my first heartbreak. I just want to ask why does he want to break my perfectly good heart and make the very first scar. Another song is "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" and it described that I ended this friendship forever.
My second crush is my first fictional crush, and is Ben Tennyson from the Ben 10 series. It happened when I was ten. At first I was not interested in the show, but looking at his face as adverts on Cartoon Network website slowly makes me interested in it. So, he is the main reason why I take interest in this show. Then, I created my Ben 10 OC named Melody, and I used to make her as one of Ben's cousins, but then I made her out of the family tree when I was 12 (but she shows no interest in him). It wasn't long when Ben 10: Alien Force aired, and Ben had a girlfriend named Julie, and I realized she was quite similar to me. I was actually happy when Ben has a girlfriend and I just let go. However, as the series renewed and continued, I see Ben as a neutral character. He can be nice, but he can be a jerk. But it's disappointing to see him mostly a jerk, and sometimes unloyal. Of course he has many girl, but not very stable relationships, which makes me disappointed at him and like Rook more than him (Hey, Rook is very generous and awesome)
The song "Girl At Home" shows that I advice him to be loyal to his girls. My disappointment turns Melody from a happy, cheerful girl to a very dark and emotionally unstable monster.
My third crush is another fictional crush, and is Gene Khan from Iron Man: Armoured Adventures. This is the first time I fell in love with an antagonist. It was an instant crush when I first saw him, but he turns out to be a villain. I watched the series when I was 10, but then it stopped airing. Then, the series came back with a new season when I was 14. I watched the final 2 part episodes of it last year, and I was glad that Gene Khan finally had a change of heart and decided to be a hero. Currently I let both of us as friends. I was actually afraid to reveal about it because who would ever fall for a villain, but it was a relief to find out that I am not the only one.
The song "Holy Ground" describes about this.
My fourth crush was considered the worst, and it is the cursed Jie Feng. He bullied me when we were in primary school, verbally and once physically. But when he failed one subject in UPSR, I was one of the students to comfort him. When we were 13, which is the first year in secondary school, I realized I had feelings for him and it spread in my class, but just like my first crush, he broke my heart immediately too. I once had a romantic dream about both of us dancing in a school prom, but now it's a nightmare. He once praised me for my singing voice despite I didn't win in the competition back in primary school, and those words used to cause me to quit singing. After the heartbreak, he and his friends constantly bullied me for two years, which wounded me more. I finally escaped from their torture when teachers transfered me to a better class when I was 15. However, he verbally bullied me in the first day at school, saying "You think going to a better class can prove that you're smart?" in a nasty tone, which made me determined to prove him wrong. At last, he and his friends stopped bullying me starting this year when I had enlisted to go to the best class in my school. I smiled secretly because I have finally took them down and showed them my true potential. The song "I Knew You Were Trouble" truly described this toxic relationship, and other songs like "Dear John", "Picture to Burn", "Tell Me Why" and "Mean". I can't believe I had ignored the red flags, knowing he is a bad influence, but I still go with it, shame on me...
Then, I want to tell him that you must never think I am too young to be mess with, and I said he's just mean.
My fifth crush is better, and he is Yun Ping. We were good friends in a tuition class, and we got along well. He likes singing and he helps me to gain courage to sing again. He used to sing "Two is Better Than One", which then made me listened to Taylor Swift and became a Swiftie. I learnt the song too and sang quietly too, but I really hoped he could hear it. He left a year later, and never informed me that he's not coming back. The last time we ever had was the time we said goodbye to each other and our classmates teased us. My friends used to ask me whether I still miss him, and I used to say I don't to hide my embarrassment. But now, despite I will never see him again, and I know he will never loved me back, but I still care for him. This selfless love is actually beautiful. The song "Two is Better Than One" always reminds of him. Other songs like "Holy Ground" and "Come Back... Be Here" describe how much I appreciate the moments we had when we were 13, and how much I miss him.
My sixth crush is Randy Cunningham, from Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja, and that was when I was 15. It actually took me a long time (like a few months) to fall him, but it did not last long. I realized that he will never loved me back because I look studious (many people thinks I'm a nerd, but I am not) and I am very disciplined. I am completely an opposite of him, and seeing through his personality made me realized we will never be matched. It irritated me and I did thought of murdering him. But anyway, I ditched him in the end. Even though he is becoming a better person now, but there's no way I am going back and forgive him. The songs "You're Not Sorry", "Tell Me Why", and "Mean" described this. My seventh crush is a very short one, and he is Raymond. We met when we were in a trip to Italy and Switzerland. Despite knowing he will never loved me back, but the trip is quite fun with his family. I still stay connected with his older brother. The song "Holy Ground" described it.
I never want to admit this, but now I decided to: I had a crush on Jack Frost (the one from Rise of the Guardians). He is the first reason why I got interested with the movie. But I am completely neutral to him, unlike almost all girls in the world, immediately go crazy on him, I retained no feelings for him. I remained like this until my trip to Huanglong and Jiuzhaigou in October 2013. It was winter and I got frostbite. I knew he was there because I had prayed for an experience of both autumn and winter. When they said you were frostbitten by Jack Frost, means he kissed you, and this sent me into a dilemma of whether I admit it or not. Eventually in December 2013, I admited it. However, I have a love-hate relationship with him all the time, and it got worse about Jack x Elsa thing. I did thought about murdering him with my friend who doesn't really like him. Now I had gotten over him, and my reason is that: "He is not my type.", and that's surprising for many people. The songs "Haunted", "Sad Beautiful Tragic" and "Last Kiss" described this. "Teardrops On My Guitar" used to describe how I feel about Jack x Elsa shipping, now I don't care, I just let it go.
Another crush that I never want to admit, but now I admited it: I had a crush on Wilbur Robinson from Meet the Robinsons. I watched the movie when I was 9, and was my favourite during my childhood. I was very young that time and I didn't have feelings for him. But when I watched the movie again this year, I found myself staring at him almost all the time. It was hard for me to admit because he always gets into trouble (typical Wilbur) and he is from the future. I also had a love-hate relationship with him, and got worse with Wilbur x Violet. However, I got over with him with the same reason as Jack's. The song "Forever & Always" described him, and since Joe Jonas used to look like Wilbur, plus this song is about Joe. "Better Than Revenge" used to describe how I feel about Wilbur x Violet shipping, but I don't care now.
After suffering nine heartbreaks, I gave up and thought that the right one was long gone, and mostly dead. (I used to be happy in an evil way because of this excuse) I swore to never loved again, but only to love my family, dragons mainly from How to Train Your Dragon, and slugs from Slugterra. The song "Mine" described it. I thought that I will be single for life, until I met him...
And who is him, well, is Junjie from Slugterra. For the first time I saw him, I realized something in me has gone wrong. I kept searching information about him, staring at his pictures almost all day, and taking about him with my friend on the phone almost all the time. It had gone like this for a week, and my friend and I were suspicious about it. When I realized it, she said "You barely even know him!". I was flattered and I did not know how to deal with it. I had never feel like this crazy before, and why? When I started to compare him with Bunnymund (Rise of the Guardians), I suddenly understand myself deeper. He is my type: the gentle, protective, caring, and mature one. I realized that I had been trying to follow others to love the boys who are not my type, thus breaking my own heart. Now, I don't care how people judge me, because this is me, and nobody can change my mind!
I also realized and understood more about Bunnymund. I can feel his heart breaking, and my naive self in the past. So this song "Back to December" is my apology for him. While "White Horse" is a song for the crushes that let me down (excluded Gene Khan, Yun Ping, Raymond, and Junjie).
There are various love songs to describe about Junjie, but my favourites are "Enchanted", "Begin Again", "Ours", and "Today Was A Fairytale".